Reply To: Week 2 Posts – November 28th

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erin feldman

I don’t think the rhymed verse is killing the poem. In fact, some of the rhymes are so brilliant I made the noises some people make when football is on…stuff like, “wwwwwhat?!” and “Ahhhhhhh!” Jokes/anecdotes, worth/unearthed are two fantastic examples.
I was especially starstruck by, because, well…me too:
That’s my fault line of misrepresentation, that’s my letter left unsent
And I’ll speak to gurus and rabbis and shaman to exorcise my resentment

For editing: Because there is a consistent meter here, it is especially notable when it is awkward or slightly off. So maybe not going to the extreme of counting syllables (though I imagine that would not be unfun), but listening with you pen, if you will, for places to make more or less sound per line.