Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

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#19120
Anonymous

Hey Seth, another great piece!
The almost nursery rhyme style work’s for me

Lines quoted means they sing to me unless I follow with a comment.

born in the shadow of a tower crane
that cast a brontosaurus across the sky

I love the opening 2 lines. Sets the scene both modern and ancient / elemental, and classroom

The last 4 lines of first stanza feel like they could be condensed ….. not sure the word ‘both’ is working here..?

east of the ravine
A great locator line! With added depth and danger from the choice of ‘ravine’

floating in the fluid room
of my motherʼs womb
I assumed the fetal position

an elaborate encampment of makeshift

‘the lop-sided tarp roof an art form’
I don’t think I understand this-or maybe just one too many detail that becomes distracting?

squatting is occupying an abandoned land

I love the union of ‘belongings’ and ‘warm bodies of their lovers’

‘Lamaze’ ‘malasanas’. ….I’m frantically looking up definitions…but I like what you’re trying to say

no nursery or bassinet in my birth story

but my cells, themselves, held memories
of wicked addictions and violent evictions
an awful lot won’t show up on an ultrasound

but nature finds a way – don’t think you need the ‘but’

the woman that caught me – love the word ‘caught’ here

Great last 2 lines