Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

Home Forums Hauled Off and Hit – Workshop Forum Week 3 Posts – December 5th Reply To: Week 3 Posts – December 5th

#19172
Anonymous

Hey Thaina, I really like this piece. I hate the story because it’s so unjust and so common but it’s very clearly true to life. There were so many really solid lines throughout. I’ll have to echo everyone else mentioning the thousand airplanes inside you as you wish for no turbulence.

I do wonder though whether you could play around with making the reader feel more anxiety as they read this. Like, right now it comes through cognitively that this is an anxious, tired, stressful situation but I think you could mess with language and form on the page to make the reader *feel* those things a bit more which might raise your baseline even higher within this poem. Thanks so much for sharing anyway though!